Friday, 31 October 2014

Taking Control

I've been rather silly recently.

I have an ex who was the one person I've ever been completely silly about- a guy we'll call D. D and I were together for about a year, I guess, and broke up just over two years ago. We've never completely stopped talking though- and the power of social media means we've always been able to keep kind of abreast of each others' lives. And recently, we started talking again- sending messages back and forth most days.

Isn't this just the most stupid thing ever!?

Despite being warned of my stupidity by numerous friends (including Jenny- she's very smart with the life advice), I carried on chatting to D. "What harm could it do?" was my standard response. D and I live like 200 miles apart. We aren't likely to ever run into each other in the street. I kept giving him opportunities to stop the conversation, and he didn't, so I carried on too.

But one day this week, I woke up and thought to myself "What the hell are you doing?!". I suddenly realised that there was absolutely no benefit to be had from talking to him.

So I took control, and I stopped the conversation.

Much like our relationship, I now see that D was probably using me to bolster his own confidence. And hey- ain't nobody got time for that. I was enjoying the chatter, but I realised after a while that I was gaining absolutely nothing from it. At the end of our relationship, I was left feeling completely mashed up, and it took a long time to get back to normal. Why on earth would I even remotely put myself back in that position!?

It feels good to take control, even if it's only over a small thing like not talking to someone who doesn't make me feel phenomenal. There's so much in my life at the moment which isn't in control- so taking the reins over this feels pretty damn good.


  1. Good on you, Alice. When I got to the end of this, I was shouting "you go girl!" In my head. I have fallen into this trap before and it never ends well. I think you put it perfectly and in a way I hadn't thought of before - being used to bolster someone else's confidence. Never a nice feeling. Thanks for writing this blog post - always refreshing to read something more real life :) have a good weekend feeling good about taking control, I hope! xx

  2. Good for you!! This quote is something that I actually tweeted a few days ago, and a few days after me and my ex broke up (we were together for three years!) It's so easy to fall back into old habits, and I'm especially feeling the strain as I've gone from talking to him every day to not at all. So this post is kind of weirdly and coincidentally brilliant timing for me, and I'm going to save it so it reminds me that I need to be independent now! So thank you :)

    Imogen //

  3. Oh God Alice I feel you so much on this blog post! I have someone similar in my past (an ex colleague) who I totally fell for at the time and got completely silly over. Whenever we chatted (infrequently - but always when HE wanted to) it would give me this huge rush, but now that I'm settled down with someone who makes himself available to me, I realise how silly I was to bend over backwards for someone who only ever wanted me when he couldn't have me!

    Sometimes it's excellent to be a grown up and be able to walk away from things that don't serve you. It's definitely the right kind of selfish, if you get what I mean!

  4. fist bump! honestly, you did the best thing. i think so many of us fall into the same trap and it's just one of these things - you have to take the first step back, and then it'll get easier from there. x

    Miho @ Wander to Wonder

  5. I am currently in this exact same situation. Only this lovely fellow kept telling me he 'didn't know what he wanted' but perhaps 'wanted to see other people'. In the end I told him where to stick it. I'm not hanging around to be anyone's second best or be made to feel like shit. And I'm already feeling better for it :)
    Emma's Treasures
    Emma xo

  6. Yay, go Alice! Small steps is all it takes to begin with and before you know, you'll be in control in all parts of your life - and much better off for it! :-) xx


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