I've been rather silly recently.
I have an ex who was the one person I've ever been completely silly about- a guy we'll call D. D and I were together for about a year, I guess, and broke up just over two years ago. We've never completely stopped talking though- and the power of social media means we've always been able to keep kind of abreast of each others' lives. And recently, we started talking again- sending messages back and forth most days.
Isn't this just the most stupid thing ever!?
Despite being warned of my stupidity by numerous friends (including Jenny- she's very smart with the life advice), I carried on chatting to D. "What harm could it do?" was my standard response. D and I live like 200 miles apart. We aren't likely to ever run into each other in the street. I kept giving him opportunities to stop the conversation, and he didn't, so I carried on too.
But one day this week, I woke up and thought to myself "What the hell are you doing?!". I suddenly realised that there was absolutely no benefit to be had from talking to him.
So I took control, and I stopped the conversation.
Much like our relationship, I now see that D was probably using me to bolster his own confidence. And hey- ain't nobody got time for that. I was enjoying the chatter, but I realised after a while that I was gaining absolutely nothing from it. At the end of our relationship, I was left feeling completely mashed up, and it took a long time to get back to normal. Why on earth would I even remotely put myself back in that position!?
It feels good to take control, even if it's only over a small thing like not talking to someone who doesn't make me feel phenomenal. There's so much in my life at the moment which isn't in control- so taking the reins over this feels pretty damn good.