Tuesday, 1 April 2014

This Time Last Year...

I'm self plagiarising here. Something which as a student I was always warned against, but I think it's allowed in the blogging community. After all, we all revisit some of our ideas every now and then, don't we?!

You can have a peek at what I was up to this time last year in this post. But on 31st March 2014...




I am living back in Cardiff, with my beautiful friend M. The house is gorgeous, and M is truly putting her own amazing stamp on it. Currently the plaster on half the walls in the house is missing, as the house is undergoing damp proofing, but hey- it's home, and I bloody love it here.

I have J, who is rather lovely. He's a little way away, and I don't really like that, but it's a completely manageable distance, and I get to see him pretty damn frequently- which is a good thing. In fact, some weeks I see him more than M sees her boyfriend- and they live in the same city. I'm really very happy.


I'm working in a job I (currently) really enjoy. I miss learning terribly though- I spent 31st March in a training course, and while I knew a large proportion of what we were being taught, it was still so good to be back learning things, rather than sat behind a desk doing my quotidian work. I'm thinking about looking into a Masters- though funding would be a huge part of that decision, and not one to take lightly. I can't work out whether to do one for the love of learning (so in something like history), in a field related to my current work, or in a vocational field, to lead me into a new career. It's a big thing to think about, and I'm really not sure where I'm going to do with it.


I'm generally speaking the happiest I've been in an awfully long time. Things feel faintly settled, and I'm in a good place. I still have the occasional crushing lows- days where I do stupid things, or become so stressed I just can't formulate a sentence and just lie in bed wondering how I normally find words. I'm often stressed, actually- I let things others do bother me, and I get so awfully worked up over the slightest things. But when I can do things at my own pace, be in control of a situation, and just do things my way I am far calmer. But obviously, this can't always be the case- and I'm trying my best to only focus on my Circle of Influence and not let things outside of that bother me. So far, it isn't going phenomenally well- I was awful on Friday night, Saturday morning, and Sunday lunchtime just this past weekend- but I'm aware of it, and it's something I'm working on.

As I said last year- my shit is both getting itself together and nowhere near sorted all at the same time, and it's exhilarating and terrifying in equal measures.We're all starting to get to that stage where people are starting to pull their lives together- houses are being bought, weddings are being arranged, career paths are being forged, children are probably on the horizon for a number of people- and I'm still not really in that place at the moment. It's scary- I can't imagine actually putting roots down somewhere, though I'm not about to describe myself as a cliched 2014-TwentySomething who has "Itchy Feet"- I just don't know where I want to be yet. I have a lifetime to see the world, I certainly don't need to cram it all in now (and don't even think about giving me a lecture about "oh but you don't have any responsibilities now!").


I like my life how it looks at the moment. I'm looking forwards too- not back at the people I used to know, or the girl I used to be- trying to formulate a plan of where I want to end up, and what I want to do. And while that may be selfish- perhaps I should be considering other people- but I think one of the best things about being in our twenties is being selfish. I absolutely adore my independence at the moment- I can't bear the thought of someone relying on me, and I do my absolute damnedest not to rely on anyone else, to the point of almost pushing people away. Again, I'm working on it- that's not a habit I want to be in, to be honest.

Once again though, my life is unrecognisable from where it was twelve months ago. And isn't that kind of exciting?

4 comments:

  1. I love these reflective posts- I think it is really healthy to see yourself from the perspective of where you have adventured from.

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  2. Love these reflective posts Alice and I can relate to sooo much of it! I jumped into doing an English MA just for the fun of it and while I definitely wasn't ready to move on from uni, I kind of wish I'd done something more "useful" - so you're definitely right to take your time with that decision!

    Bxx
    b-jolly.co.uk

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  3. What a lovely post: I'm so happy things are going well for you! I think if in your heart you really want to do the MA, you should absolutely go for it. But if it's just learning you miss, maybe take up an evening language course or something, that way it'd be a lot cheaper than a full on uni qualification, but is still something new and useful and out of your comfort zone. But as Bella said, take your time with the decision, but go with what your heart says and make the right choice for you. xx

    Coquetin

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  4. It's so nice to read how well everything seems to be going for you at the moment, you definitely deserve it lovely. I'm the same with finding it difficult to be okay when things aren't in my control, for some reason it just unsettles me and I really need to learn to let things go when that happens! xx

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