Despite being a full time, paid, member of the adults-who-go-to-work club, I still have no real idea what I want to do. I like the idea of being something that people understand when you tell them your job title- “I’m a doctor”, “I’m an accountant”, “I’m an engineer” are all far easier than trying to explain what I do on a day to day basis. Quite honestly, 50% of the time I’m not even sure what I do, so when someone puts me on the spot a work conference, or over lunch, I’m generally found babbling vaguely about the things I remember doing the previous week, rather than what I actually do.
When I was younger, I thought I knew what I wanted to do. And now? I have no idea. Or rather, I do have ideas, but I’m always a little bit frightened to take the leap. Because let’s be honest- to retrain is expensive, both in terms of time and financially, and to make that commitment would require me to be very, very certain that it was the right thing to do- or to have enough money not to worry if I failed. It’s difficult, isn’t it? We have to make these enormous decisions about what we want to do for the rest of our lives when we’re sixteen, seventeen, eighteen- at the age when we tend not to have to decide what we’re having for supper, let alone what we might want to still be doing forty years later.
So I have two lists. One, of the things I wanted to do when I was a child (and by child, I mean Pre-University. So for some of those years, I suppose I was an adult...)
As a child, I wanted to be...
- a hairdresser. This was the one for years. I used to pretend to be a hairdresser called Miss Box and sit on the back of the sofa behind my dad and comb his hair. I was a strange child.
- a journalist- in fact, my father still wants me to do this. Me? Not so much.
- a lawyer. And then I realised I just didn't want it enough- you need to be seriously hardcore to make it in law, it seems.
- an actress. I even did Performance Studies to AS-Level- and then? Completely lost interest. Just not for me.
- a baker. That's the one I am desperate for, I'll be honest. All I really want is my own bakery- and I am going to do my damnedest to make this work, at some point. I'll have a bakery/ tearoom and I'll be happy as a clam, baking up a storm, and making someone else deal with the accounts.
- a speech and language therapist. I am incredibly, incredibly tempted to go back to uni to do this. I'd need to get some experience to do it- which, when working full time, is easier said than done- but if I had the time and the money to return to full time study for four years, I'd be there.
- a florist. This was always my fall back until I fell in love with baking- I'd love to spend my days surrounded by flowers, making bouquets for people. I always quite wanted a bakery/ florist shop, actually. Maybe I'll still combine the two?
Sigh. It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? Does anyone ever really know what they want to do? I’m not convinced. But it's like the Avett Brothers say, isn't it- decide what to be, and go be it. (Great song). And I should certainly follow this advice:
By the way- I think there are a few 52 Lists projects going around now. I got the idea for this one from Bella.