Every now and then, I need a little bit of time where I'm not around other people. It makes me sound really rather antisocial, and I guess in some ways it is antisocial- but needs must and to be honest, if I don't get a little bit of alone time every now and then I can become downright unpleasant to be around. Sometimes, I need to step back, move away from people, and just breathe.
Yesterday was one of those days. We hosted a 1920s themed birthday party for my housemate L on Friday night, and Saturday begun with ten hungover twenty-somethings crammed around our kitchen table for a big breakfast pulled together by me and the birthday boy. Once we'd all been suitably fed and watered, we all melted away to our own doings, and I drifted off for episodes of Grey's Anatomy, a mug of tea, and a nap.
But by mid afternoon, I was feeling the need for some fresh air. I pulled on my new favourite boots and my favourite burgundy coat, and headed out into the late afternoon sunshine. I found myself a few minutes later standing by Roath Park lake, watching the seagulls fight over a piece of bread, and standing my ground against the wind, which was strong enough to blow tears from my eyes.
And I stood there in the last of the afternoon sunshine, thinking about how I seem to have made some pretty good decisions recently. Being an adult is all about making decisions, it seems- from what to have for supper and whether to go out on Friday night, to where to go on holiday, whether to take that job, where to live, and who you want to have around you. I'm not in the business any more of being around people who don't make me happy- or those who like having me around because it makes them feel better. No, I like being around the people who make me feel good about myself, who want me to be happy, and who I want to make happy too. And I feel like right now, I'm around those sorts of people, and there's nothing nicer than that.
As I strolled back from the lake, I decided that I wasn't quite ready to go home- so I took myself off for a pot of tea and a daydream, and ended up people watching in Coffee #1, where the table next to me was occupied by the sweetest little girl and her parents.
And it was all I needed. Just a little bit of time out has meant that I don't mind that I'm spending my Saturday night with a group of people I really don't know all that well, or have plans for every night this week. I'm feeling centered, and happy, and ready to put my game face back on.