Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Waiting

Ian McEwan, Sweet Tooth
We've all felt like that, right? I know I have. 

In fairness, this is to a lesser extent now, but I still have a little fear of being "wrong", of not making the right decisions, and I'm scared of the "what ifs". But generally, yes, I've often felt as though I'm waiting for a new life to begin.

And there are certainly things I won't take the initiative in. I won't approach the cute guy. I get awkward and pretend I haven't seen someone I vaguely knew in the pub (in that situation, I chose to be mature, pretend I hadn't seen him, and then make the guys I was with laugh by regaling them with stories of the latest thing to go wrong on my car and trying to talk about football).

I'm not sure that I'm brave. If anything, I'd actually say I'm a little bit of a wimp. I like to have someone alongside me to hold my hand, or to shove me in the "right" direction, but I think part of being an adult is manning up and dealing with some of these things by ourselves, rather than waiting for someone to come along for the ride with me. In a small way, I think my Thailand trip was a step in the right direction- getting on that plane all by myself and making my own way halfway around the world was something I would never ever have done five years ago.

I wait. I wait for things to happen to me, rather than forcing them to happen. But now, I think I am about to make a bit of a leap, possibly have a bit of a change of direction, and a little bit of a new start. And I'm really very excited about it. Terrified, yes, but I'm so excited. I feel like I'm taking a step in the right direction, and getting on with life. Because realistically- we can't just sit back and wait for life to happen, because it won't. Nothing winds me up more than people who spend their lives whining about the things they don't like about their lives on Facebook or Twitter, and who don't do anything to alter it.

So yes. I'm starting to make things happen. I'm starting to cause change, rather than let it happen around me.

And I can't wait.

From here

3 comments:

  1. If your dreams don't scare you then you aren't dreaming big enough :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't wait either! "It's the dreams afraid of waking that never takes the chance." To quote good old Bette Midler :) x

    ReplyDelete
  3. totally totally totally agree. life is so short, we've got to make the most of it - even when it seems scary. It's a lesson I have to remember too.

    ReplyDelete

I absolutely love comments, and do my very best to reply to them all- if you have a specific question, try tweeting me @cupsaucerblog