I seem to inadvertently be chucking in a slightly more serious post most weeks now. This isn't deliberate- it's not me being like "Ooh, I want to put a serious post in". It's just because this is my space to think, and word vomit, and somehow, the word vomit-y posts seem to go down quite well. So I do more of them.
But hey. That's not what this is about.
I'd like to begin by saying that I don't think I'm skinny. I'm slim, that's not something I'm denying. But I'm not super skinny. I was at one point- there was a day in my final year at uni where I probably might have been described as "skinny"- I was stood talking to a friend and she gasped, and said "Alice can I see your hip bones through your dress?!" and she could. That Christmas, there was one day when I stepped on the scales and they stayed below 8 stone, and I had a bit of a panic. I was too light. And I'm not a lot heavier than that now, but I'm a bit more of a sensible weight. I'm a perfectly healthy size. I wear size eight jeans, but I eat literally everything (other than rhubarb because it's a bit gross really). I eat chocolate every day. There's always some sort of cake, or biscuits, or treat in my office, and I always eat it because I like to.
But the other day, I was involved in a conversation, and I mentioned how I eat a lot of chocolate. My conversationalists sort of looked at each other, smirked, and one just looked at me and said "What, do you make yourself throw it all back up then? How can you stay so slim otherwise?".
I was floored.
I squawked "Of course I don't!!", laughed nervously, and very very rapidly changed the subject. But I was seething. Why, why is it thought to be OK to say this sort of thing to slender people? If I was a size 18 and said "I eat a lot of chocolate" there is no way this person would have said "Yeah, you can tell!" or something along those lines. I certainly would never ever joke about someone having a problem with food, or use a person's size against them.
At the same time. Why can I not say I'm proud of my body? I like my body, a lot of the time. I don't have any part of me that I constantly hate or wish to the high heavens that I could change. I like being the size I am. And I actually feel like I'm not allowed to say that, because I'm slim. That's probably my own mindset, but it's how I feel. I also take great umbridge with the term "real women". I am a real women, even though I'm slim. Being told I should be a size 14 is no better than telling me I should be a size 0. Why can I not say that I eat unhealthy food without being accused of making myself sick?!
I'm not slim because I try to be. I pay attention to what I eat because I feel unbelievably crap if I don't eat at least four portions of fruit and veg in a day, and because I actually just really enjoy eating fruit. But I also eat chocolate EVERY DAY. I exercise because I like playing korfball, and swimming, and running. Honestly? I am pretty healthy, and this can be evidenced by the fact that I am never ill. It would seem my body has everything it needs.
I don't like that I keep having to post things about my body, and my weight, and blah blah blah. But if people are going to accuse me of having an eating disorder (and as an aside, what if I did? What would this person have done if I'd have burst into tears and said "yes, yes I do, please help me"?), I'm going to make comments about being healthy, and emphasise being small when I want to.
I'm going to keep getting cross about comments about "real women" and snarky comments about thin girls. I'm going to keep yelling that of course it's OK to be who you are and look like you do, as long as you are healthy. Because being incredibly overweight or incredibly underweight isn't healthy, regardless of whether you're empowered by it. And I'm sure someone will shout at me for saying that but I'm not wrong.
I don't know where I'm going with this really. All I'm going to end with is just keep doing what you're doing people. Eat, be healthy, be happy.
And throw things at people who are mean.