Sunday, 14 April 2013

What Do I Want?

I am not a selfish person.

I tend to put others before myself, tend to think of their preferences before my own, and at my old job was once told "Oh Alice I love you, you never say no, do you?!" (This was related to work that I was doing for someone, not anything dodgy thank you very much!!)

But the other day, I read Laura's post on what she wanted in life, and I thought that it seemed a very good idea to write these things down. 

So what do I want?

I want to be strong. I want to be brave, and do things that scare me- too often, I'm a wimp, and I won't do things I really want to do because of "what ifs". I haven't done the travel-the-world thing like lots of people my age because I'm scared to do it alone, and haven't really got people to do it with. All of you who have boyfriends/ siblings to go with, I envy you. I envy you even more if you have the guts to go alone. So yes, I want to be that person. I want to be brave and move abroad all by myself and be "The English Girl" somewhere.

Image from here
I want a Person. I want passion and dancing in the kitchen and kisses in the rain and a movie style love. I also want that complete normality of having a morning routine where your reactions to the other person's movements are so well known that it looks almost choreographed to an outsider. And the arguments over the remote and whose turn it is to do the washing up, and the lazy mornings and the afternoon strolls. The holidays where you can pretend like you've just met all over again. I want a marriage, far more than I want a wedding (and I want a wedding a LOT. Mostly for the cake and flowers). I want the hand on the small of my back, and the person who makes me laugh when I'm angry at them.

Found this image here, though I think that Elliott Ertwit may be the original photographer.

I want nails that don't chip, and that I don't bite. I want hair that behaves itself- or rather, misbehaves in a cool sort of way. I want a French girl's wardrobe, and a dress that is suitable for all occasions which I feel fabulous in. I want holidays at the coast, and in far flung places, in cottages, and in hotels, with family, and with friends.

I want children. Part of me feels like I'm not allowed to say that- something about feminism and having a degree and a career and blah blah blah- but I want kids. I want little people who annoy me as often as they make me laugh, and who I have to clean up after, but who make me smile and who melt my heart and whose names I GOT TO PICK. (I think this is the part of motherhood I'm most excited about, not going to lie). I want to make cakes for their birthdays and man a stall at the Christmas fete, and take part in the parents' race on Sports Day.

I want a house in the country. Which has character, and a garden, and needs work doing to it so I can make it properly my own house. I want an enormous kitchen, with an Aga and a normal oven (because this is my dream land, I'm allowed both.) I want fruit trees in the garden, and flowers which I will manage not to kill, because I want to be a gardener and domesticated. I want lavender and herbs in little pots, and a vegetable plot that the aforementioned Person will take charge of and grow strawberries in. I want a patio, which we can sit on and drink red wine in the evenings. And a library. Oh my god I want a library.

From here.

And I want a career. A job which I am passionate about. Something which gives me the drive to get up in the mornings, and yes, which makes me late to pick the children up from school and which means I have to do things at the weekend, but is more than just a job. More than something which I do to pay the bills. Something which I feel good about, and which makes me feel good about myself for doing it. Right now, this  is what I want more than anything else on this list. I also really want to know what this career will be. I have some ideas, but they will take a lot of retraining. I want to be brave enough to do this, too.

I want I want I want. 

So now I know what I want, I need to start making it happen, don't I?

16 comments:

  1. I love this post, and I'm sure you will get all of these things one day!
    I completely agree about travelling....I have so many places I want to go, but I'm so afraid - of the money, of the responsibilities I'd be leaving behind...and I know that the longer I wait, the more responsibilities I'll have.
    I hope you get some of these things soon!
    <3 Kiersten

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    1. I hope so. It will be a great life if I get all of this! It's true, responsibilities are scary thing, and they will only become more insistent. I hope you get whatever you want too lovely xx

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  2. This is such a great idea for a post. Some of the things you mention I can totally agree with. The house in the country with and Aga sounds perfect (although isn't two ovens a bit ott? Why do you need two? lol)

    becominghugo.blogspot.com

    xx

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    1. Thank you lovely. Think some of them are fairly standard wants- space of our own in particular! I need two because I don't know how to bake in an Aga :P xx

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  3. Not much to say here other than great post x

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    1. Thanks Tabitha, do appreciate it! x

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  4. Replies
    1. I am very glad to find I'm not the only one... xx

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  5. Such a well brave post really, it's always sometimes hard to admit the things we really want. A really beautiful post x

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    1. Thank you lovely. It's true- I think we're programmed not to admit what we want. But it feels really good to do it! x

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  6. This is fabulous. And I totally feel the same way about ALL of it. And honestly, I never thought I would be one to say that I wanted kids and the house etc. but I do. And I can't wait for it to happen, because it will. As long as I stop spending all my money on shoes and makeup and clothes.... haha.
    xx

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    1. I'm glad it isn't just me! Hahah yeah- it will happen for me when I start being a grown up about it all and start making things happen... xx

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  7. They say 'I want' doesn't get but sometimes I disagree, I think sometimes you have to say 'I want' out loud (or in type as this is the internet) in order for you to realise what it is you want. I think you've taken your first brave step with this post so you already have started to make it happen! Now what I need to do is take my own advice and a leaf out of your book and work out and tell the world what I want too! I do know I want an Aga like you though! x

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    1. I hope that "I want doesn't get" isn't true- otherwise, my future life will be nothing like I hope it will! Thanks- I think writing it down will help me focus on what I actually want to achieve! xx

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  8. Ah I love this post - it's so nicely written. I really envy anyone who can pack up their bags and go travelling. It's the one thing I want above anything else, but my boyfriend doesn't feel the same. It's sad really xx

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    1. I'll come away with you Sarah hahaah! I think I'm doing it the "cheats" way this June- hopefully going to spend two weeks in Vietnam with a friend. SO EXCITED!! xx

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