Sunday, 31 March 2013

This Time Last Year...

Recently, I've been thinking about this time last year, and how different things were.


On 31st March 2012, I  lived in a city, in a house with three of my favourite people in the world, and was incredibly near to a lot of my other favourites. I was a full time student, just finishing up her dissertation on the Exode (the article gives a bit of an overview, but I actually disagree with Jackson on a lot of what he says here- but now is not the time to rewrite the historiographical section of my dissertation) and realising that it was double the word limit. Cue two weeks of massive stress after this.
I was in Paris with some wonderful course friends for what would be one of my favourite trips. And I was dreaming of a few days later, when I would be off to see the guy I was in a relationship with at the time. 
It was my baby nephew's first birthday, and I had made him his first birthday cake- because you know, I'm that sort of aunt. And it was no where near as cold as it is now.
And generally speaking, I was incredibly happy, incredibly sad, and incredibly stressed.



LOOK. No coat or tights!! (I am wearing a cardi. It's just as pale as I was) AND this was up the Eiffel Tower where it's often bloody freezing...


On 31st March 2013, I live back at home, with my mum and my brother, in the middle of the countryside where the nearest train station is a 30 minute drive away, and a hundred miles away from some of my closest friends. That said, I am very near to other favourite people.


And at home, I get to see sunrises like this.

It is my nephew's second birthday (oddly enough). I haven't seen him, or the rest of his family, in a very long time, and I do feel bad about this. But because I now work full time, there is precious little time for visits to far away friends and family. And also, compared to last year, I now live five times as far away.

I am very definitely single. Not unhappily, but not completely happily either. But then again, I know that I am not really in a relationship-y sort of place- I want a relationship, but right now, I don't think it's for the right reasons. And most importantly, I am bloody freezing, and have been for the past six months. And I am still happy, and sad, and stressed, just for a world of different reasons.


Admittedly, this was taken a few weeks ago but it's still that cold.

I struggle to comprehend how much has changed in the past year. To be honest, my life is pretty unrecognisable from where it was twelve months ago. I am a very, very different person to who I was then. I'm more me, I think, in a way which only comes with joining the real world, putting your big girl pants (or grown up lingerie) on, and just getting on with things. With realising that life is pretty damn shit sometimes, but also is completely wonderful and incredible. Realising that I can actually be happy completely by myself- living how I want to live, and doing what I want to do, not what I feel I should be doing because I was a girlfriend, or a student, or a twenty two year old.

Last night, I got into bed after a night out with friends. It was 2:25, but really only 1:25 because of the clock change. And I lay there, feeling both exhausted and exhilarated, tired and wide awake in a way that I think only really happens when we're this age, and our shit is both getting itself together and nowhere near sorted, and we don't have to feel guilty about staying out til silly-o- clock because there are no rules and no responsibilities and still two more days off before work begins again.

And it's moments like that which remind me that I am so much more in love with where I am right now, even if it's scary and still not perfect, than where I was twelve months ago.


So yeah. A lot has changed since this time last year, but I'm not entirely convinced it's for the worse.


18 comments:

  1. Aww what a good post!! It's definitely scary seeing how your life can change so dramatically in just one year - I totally agree, but I'm glad I got to the end of that story and you liked your life now a little more :). Happy Easter! x

    teapartywithalice.com

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    1. It is crazy- it's been a busy year haha! I do- that's not to say I didn't like it then, but I feel happier with where I am now :) Hope you had a lovely Easter!! x

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  2. Love this post! It's weird to think back to a year ago and how different things are. Did you make it to the top of the Eiffel tower? Despite living there for over 3 years I only made it to the second level though I did walk that far (never again). At least you're more you, it would be horrible if you went and did things that wasn't you, you sound as if you are happier with where you are now so at least that's good. Hope you had a lovely Easter!

    Rhiannon x

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    1. You lived in Paris for three years?! OK I now hate you a little bit. Yeah we did, we walked up to the second level (first girl up, and beaten only by a marathon runner lecturer) and then got the lift! It's amazing.
      It's not so much that I wasn't being myself, it's just now I feel MORE myself, if that makes sense?! But yes, I am happy now :) Hope you had a fab Easter too lovely! xx

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  3. A year flies by so quickly these days and I always think to myself "not a lot has changed" when really, if I sit and think about it, it has! Your post has made me want to sit and think about all of the changes now, thank you!

    As long as you are happy and feel more like "you" then that's the most important thing!xx

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    1. It's insane isn't it!? Have a think- I bet more has changed that you realise. I am indeed happy! (which isn't to say I wasn't then, but you know what I mean!) xx

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  4. "...and our shit is both getting itself together and nowhere near sorted..." - I doubt there could be a better summary of the life of a 20-something singleton. I often sit and complain that nothing is changing, then I realise how much has changed in a year for me too and shit myself up a little bit. But then it's fine, because I am old enough to drink this large glass of wine (or two) and forget that life moves forwards when I would rather turn the clock back and be a kid again! Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis before mid-life?? xxx

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    1. Thank you :) I know, I actually was a little bit scared by how much has changed- but I suppose that's where we are at this stage in our lives!! I think it is entirely possible- I know I have life-crises far too regularly!! xx

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  5. Brilliant post. I always find the change of the seasons a reflective time? I've spent this bank holiday thinking where I was last year too! Amy x

    http://amylysette.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Yes definitely. It's a great time to work out what was going on before! xx

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  6. What a lovely post! That little last paragraph made me feel all warm inside, because I'm at the point exactly where you where last year, I'm a student getting ready to go into the big wide world, but that little paragraph made me feel a little bit better :) Glad your happier now!

    Chels|HumbleHonesty

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    1. Aww thank you. Don't be scared about it- it is pretty terrifying but it will all work itself out (at least this is what I keep telling myself). I am, not that I wasn't happy before, just feel slightly more peaceful now perhaps!! :) x

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  7. I can relate to this post, so much! My life has also changed so much, but in the past 3 months. I admire your honesty! Really enjoyed reading your post xx

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    1. I'm so pleased you can relate! Three months is a short amount of time for a lot of change! Thank you, that's a really kind thing to say :) xx

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  8. It's funny how so much can change in such a short space of time... I'm in a very different place to where I was this time last year, I'm still just as happy/sad/somewhere inbetween (definitely seems to be where a lot of us 20somethings are...) but for lots of different reasons. You sum up my life so well with your words of wisdom!
    Kaz x

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    1. I know, it's absolutely crazy. Awww thank you so much Kaz- it's nice to know that it isn't just me thinking like this hahaah!! xx

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  9. This is such a great idea and great post! It is really crazy to think about how much changes in just one year. I'm also much more satisfied with where I am then where I was.
    And yes, I still have to remind myself that I am a grown-up, and pull up my big girl lingerie ;)
    xx

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    1. Thank you lovely! I think it just all hit me at once how much things have changed and I just had to get them down on paper (or the internet haha!) I'm so pleased that you're more satisfied with where you are too :)
      Yes to remembering we're grown ups- but sometimes, acting like children is so much more fun :) xx

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